Gratitude

I first questioned myself if I should post anything.
The last few days have been a mix of sadness and confusion inside. I only had the opportunity to meet Sharath during the last two seasons in Mysore, and the first 4 weeks I hated very much. I hated waking up so early in the morning, the time we had to wait outside the Shala, then have to wait inside in silence, without being able to talk or distract ourselves. The nervous feeling of getting it wrong every time he called ONE MORE! Then realising he was not calling you, but someone else. I wished so many times to be the SUPER tall girl, so I wouldn’t make the same mistakes each morning. Or the guy with the funny hair or the funny beard. Or the SUPER stiff one. Or perhaps, that one day he would know my name.

Being used to the Western way, where teachers are mostly kind, polished, and understanding, I did not have a very pleasant experience during my first month. I was constantly being told off by Sharath for things that I did not know and had no clue about, and it was always this feeling of embarrassment, combined with one thought that kept following me through that month: What am I doing here???

Some friends and family kept telling me that I should just leave and come back home. But being in India and practicing yoga had been a dream since my early 20’s, and I thought I would follow it through until the end, despite all the discomfort.

I am glad I stayed. Things started to unfold each week. My first impression about Sharath proved to be wrong. I guess I had this belief that he would be this perfect man, with no flaws, no temper, almost like a special spiritual creature with an aura that we would be able to see from far.

He was special indeed, and despite our encounters being so brief, he undoubtedly created a deep impact on me and in so many others that goes beyond our comprehension.

I still question myself, how on earth, within 500 students, he knew you. He knew your practice. He knew when you needed his help, and the most inexplicable thing was — he was always there when you really needed him.

For years, Marichasana D was (actually, still is) a struggle for me, causing multiple injuries and extended visits to the physio. During my second visit to Mysore, he remembered and told one of the assistants to be careful because I had knee problems. For the following 8 weeks during my second visit, he was always there, ready to assist me with Marichasana D until I could do it steadily and finally move on from that.

I wish I could have told him how grateful I was and how much I appreciated his dedication to students that were not sooooooo dedicated, like me. How much I have learned in such a short period of time I managed to spend with him — not only in terms of asana, but also in terms of being patient (my husband would disagree with this one), being kind, having empathy and love for others, and humility.

My gratitude also goes beyond the practice because it was through him that I had the chance of meeting great people, such as Rosa, who helped me so much to see things differently during my first visit. Nevertheless, it was during one of the Intermediate classes that he invited us to watch, that I first met Lu Andrade, who also became one of my biggest inspirations since we first met. Rebecca, who came to me one morning asking things in Spanish that confused me, but somehow we instantly bonded, laughing and crying together during our second — and unknowingly, our last — time with Sharath. And, of course, Kenza, with whom I've shared all my struggles over the years, including this latest and most difficult one.

I understand I am not one of Sharath’s old students who have certainly developed a much stronger and much more meaningful connection with him. But it is inevitable to say how much I feel for his loss and how much I wished I could have seen him growing older, teaching yoga to his children and grandchildren, and to the generations yet to come. I think we all had this hope — and believed in it — that he would hang around here for much longer, that we would still have a lot of time together to learn from him.

I guess this sad feeling inside is not only about his loss, but the thought of how unexpected and unfair life seems to be sometimes. His passing also made me think about all the beloved ones that have departed much earlier than they should have. As Laruga previously mentioned — acceptance is not my strongest point either, but forcefully I guess we will all have to learn.

I hope Sharaji rests in peace, surrounded by love and light. I truly hope Hinduism is the ultimate true, and that one day we’ll have the chance to thank him for all he gave . May he be blessed wherever he is, and may his family, friends, and students find strength and comfort in the profound wisdom, kindness and guidance he shared with each of us.